As I sat there in the waiting room of The Hospital, for annual Heart checkup I was fine. I was enjoying one of my favored past times People watching. A woman in a wheel chair came though the double doors with an oxygen tank and suddenly I was 12 again waking up from he comma weak frail tiny and barely able to move… Then I was 16 being told I needed another surgery and my heart wasn’t what they had hoped it would be…. Memories of my operations, doctor visits, and bad news filled my mind and panic filled my body…. What if they said I needed surgery again… My family couldn’t handle that, I don’t think I could either…. Once every year I have to face my worst fears and wait for the results… I started having An anxiety attack, bu it turned into a full blown panic attack.. I couldn’t breath the room was spinning I felt like I was gonna throw up and I wanted to run far away…. Where the hell was my strong courage? I felt like I was a bad christian, because i didn’t feel like I had any faith at that moment…. I sure as heck needed it at that moment… I just kept saying over and over in my head, with my eyes closed trying to calm my breathing
– I do not have a spirit of fear but of Love Power and a sound mind 2 Timothy 1:7 –
Have you ever experienced a panic attack… I really hope if you haven’t that you never will… They say Its caused for me by Post traumatic stress, but its also hereditary. My great grandma, my mom, my little sister and I all have Them from time to time. Its when your adrenaline suddenly kicks in for no reason pus more… Really for every one its a little different and I have yet to have the same panic attack twice, there is always a variation. I don’t know for sure how much time went by But when my name was called I was finally able to gather my senses and calm down a bit. I said yes and no at the right times stood on the scale and was almost myself again by the time the tests were to start… I was having an Eco-cardiogram, an EKG standard. They didn’t want me to do the 24 hour heart monitor like usual which was nice. I was nicely informed that during the Eco-Cardiogram they were going to try something with an iv if I consented… That panic attack started coming back worse then before…Not a huge deal. Those test are way better then A Heart-Catheter or other tests they could have done that I have had in the past. But the devil s a lair putting negative thoughts in to our mind, and sometimes we don’t see them as lies right away… But they have no power unless we speak them out…. I told her I needed a min and she kindly left the room. I took authority over my Body and told It I refused to have a panic attack and I would do this, and God would get the Glory for the work He is doing in me and That I would be ok, no matter what the Drs said.
When she came back I had a smile on my face and I was mostly normal… (whatever normal is) Mostly, I had to considerate on breathing slow and I kept repeating the verse in my head over and over in between praising God for all He has done for me so far and all He is currently doing in me and Telling Him my Life is His to use how He sees is best. I knew my family was praying for me and I prayed for them to have peace and to know It would be ok…. The Iv test they did was actually really neat.. They injected microscopic bubbles into my blood stream and it light my veins up. It was like tuning on a light inside my body…. Bubbles in your veins can be problematic, yes.. But these were super tiny and a dr. was there the whole time… They said it has something to do with how the liver reacts to the air.. Which makes it possible and they worked their way out fast with no side effects…
I actually have issues talking about this because I know how much it hurts my mom and family to revisit this part of my life… One of the reasons my personal fulls story book is still not done. But if it helps you Then I will do it. I am who I am because of all I have gone though and Tho I like to think my strong wall of faith is impenetrable… Which it usually is… On days like this I find it is tested.. At the end of the appointment I got the good news my heart looks good. Praise God!!! But for those hours I was doing all that I could, my very best to hold on to my faith and my Promises from God so I wouldn’t loose it. If you have been though some thing that has tested your faith like this, I commend you… It is not easy.. And it doen’t make you a bad christian… We all worry, fret over things… Even Jesus was tested.. Matthew 4:1-11 We are no better then Jesus…. Trials come and Go, its how we handle them that is important… –Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. – I’ve been reading the book of Proverbs and its all about how we as Christians should be and who we are,and who we are to Christ You should really read the Bible. It is where I get fed and filled with God’s love. If you don’t have a bible there are online ones, As I linked above and lots of phone apps… I suggest you find a way to get your hands on one, online or off. They are not to hard to find and well worth it.. You are loved, and you are not alone, whatever you are struggling with or dealing with you do not have to do it alone…. Reach out to someone, if you don’t know who message me I’ll listen, I’ll pray with you for you, and I will help you find others who can pray with you too. You are awesome and struggles are real… Life is hard but God is always With you!
God Bless you today and Always!
♥Amy Jane Sandberg